Hey you guys. Today started out pretty great. No class, no alarm set. I got some laundry done, and didn’t mind too much that the washer didn’t get all of the soap out, or most of it, for that matter. I had some pizza for lunch, and set about supergluing a plate I broke a few days ago. Can you see where this is going?
I superglued my fingers to. each. other. Sooooooo not okay. I know. It’s a total first world problem, right? Yeah kinda. Except when it’s YOUR fingers that are stuck together and you’re whining on the phone with your mom about what an idiot you are and she’s 500 miles away, so all she can do is offer up vague suggestions like “hot water!” or “nail polish remover!” Because I do still call my mom sometimes when I don’t know what else to do. Unless it’s about a splinter, and then I call my aunt.
The super glue package is not very helpful. Why should I expect anything else from glue I bought at the dollar store? “MAY IRRITATE EYES. MAY IRRITATE SKIN. DANGEROUS FUMES FORM WHEN MIXED WITH OTHER PRODUCTS.” Okay, cool. “Do not get on eyes or mouth or on skin.” Could you BE more helpful, superglue package? “Do not breathe fumes.” I wasn’t huffing glue. I was trying to fix a plate. Which by the way, is still not entirely together. Unlike my fingers glued firmly together. “Keep out of reach of children.” Nope, no children here. 23 year-old college graduate and I managed to do this entirely by myself, to myself. “FIRST AID TREATMENT:” Now we’re getting somewhere… “Eyelid bonding: see a doctor.” Okay, now even I wasn’t that dumb. Probably a good rule to keep superglue away from your face in general, including but not limited to your eyes. Or nose or mouth. And ears. “Skin bonding” – that’s me! “soak skin in water and call a Poison Control Centre. Do not force apart.”
I won’t even stop to comment on the British spelling of Centre. The do not force apart part brings me to visions of shredded skin, lots of blood, and screaming. I will not be trying to force my fingers apart. Which means I can’t take my ring off if I want to. And I can’t properly give the finger. That’s the real injustice of your ring and middle fingers being stuck together. At least I won’t have to drive anywhere anytime soon!
Fast-forward half an hour… after I ran my fingers under warm water, then soaked them in warm water, and finally, acetone-based nail polish remover, I unglued my fingers. Thank God! I think I’ll save plate fixing for another day. Fingers are regaining feeling. They’re fine, if a bit shell shocked.
I’m sparing you guys the pictures of my fingers in various stages of being stuck. Because I did take them. Here’s a picture of some poutine and avocado fries from Old Montreal instead. (Poutine was great, avocado fries were a little mushy.)
Enjoy the relatively warmer weather this weekend!